New home..
A new home finally.. was almost goin to quit doin this after like wat.. 2 or 3 months of constant trying.. i had so much to say.. that its all piling up like hell.. yet rite now i dunno where to start from... crap...
Thins have been.... hmmm... complicated.. people around me.. things around me.. everythin is complicated.. and its so messy that i feel that my life is in a mess... as i struggle on the outside (to look cool~) i'm actually not doin so well on the inside.. i guess that years of stress is actually workin on me now... yes.. i'm tokin about stress... nobody will eva noe the amount of stress i'm facin.. aimin for the best in studies.. to actually proof that wateva choice i made was the right one.. every semester i may look like as if its not an issue to me.. but deep down.. i'm afraid... i'm soooo afraid that before the date of exam result release.. i can't sleep for few nites..
My parents hve high expectation.. my sis is worried.. people around me constantly askin.. with the success case of my cousin from poly to uni.. its like i cannot afford to fail.. last sem.. i got a 3.6gpa out of 4.. WOOHOO! 3.6 wor~~ SCREW IT! i was dishearten... i noe that the fact every1 didn't do well.. but i felt.. its my own result.. i reap it.. which means.. if i had work even harder.. i could hve surpass that score..
Speakin about parents.. today i got.. i saw my dad with my result slip which was mailed to me.. he was READING it... to put it in a easier context.. he was CHECKING it.. ha... wat a joke.. thats a amount of trust they hve in me... well done... very well done.. mayb it applies to all others as well.. i felt that.. no matter how close physically they are. to you.. they are actually not close at all... you can spend more den half a day with them.. and they wun feel a thin.. you can do hundreds of thins for them.. still they wun feel a thin.. i'm not even the sort that need a form of return.. but i just feel that my presence in their lives at all.. sad.................
"So close yet so far".. thats how i would like to phrase it... mayb i'm just not needed around.. and if thats the case.. there's nothin more that i can say.. mayb livin more selfishly... more self centred would be better.. afterall.. at the end.. its you.. yourself who you are living for..
Today i reflected on myself.. i'm a joke.. seriously..
Well.. down times are really hard on me.. but thats not to say i didn't enjoyed these few yrs.. these few months.. but.. i dunno.. if i'm actually happy or not...
Ok la.. mayb the accumulated stress is makin me too sensitive.. think positive.. think positive.. or i'll go mad...
Ok~ Lets just stop here for now.. before i need to take medication..
Thins have been.... hmmm... complicated.. people around me.. things around me.. everythin is complicated.. and its so messy that i feel that my life is in a mess... as i struggle on the outside (to look cool~) i'm actually not doin so well on the inside.. i guess that years of stress is actually workin on me now... yes.. i'm tokin about stress... nobody will eva noe the amount of stress i'm facin.. aimin for the best in studies.. to actually proof that wateva choice i made was the right one.. every semester i may look like as if its not an issue to me.. but deep down.. i'm afraid... i'm soooo afraid that before the date of exam result release.. i can't sleep for few nites..
My parents hve high expectation.. my sis is worried.. people around me constantly askin.. with the success case of my cousin from poly to uni.. its like i cannot afford to fail.. last sem.. i got a 3.6gpa out of 4.. WOOHOO! 3.6 wor~~ SCREW IT! i was dishearten... i noe that the fact every1 didn't do well.. but i felt.. its my own result.. i reap it.. which means.. if i had work even harder.. i could hve surpass that score..
Speakin about parents.. today i got.. i saw my dad with my result slip which was mailed to me.. he was READING it... to put it in a easier context.. he was CHECKING it.. ha... wat a joke.. thats a amount of trust they hve in me... well done... very well done.. mayb it applies to all others as well.. i felt that.. no matter how close physically they are. to you.. they are actually not close at all... you can spend more den half a day with them.. and they wun feel a thin.. you can do hundreds of thins for them.. still they wun feel a thin.. i'm not even the sort that need a form of return.. but i just feel that my presence in their lives at all.. sad.................
"So close yet so far".. thats how i would like to phrase it... mayb i'm just not needed around.. and if thats the case.. there's nothin more that i can say.. mayb livin more selfishly... more self centred would be better.. afterall.. at the end.. its you.. yourself who you are living for..
Today i reflected on myself.. i'm a joke.. seriously..
Well.. down times are really hard on me.. but thats not to say i didn't enjoyed these few yrs.. these few months.. but.. i dunno.. if i'm actually happy or not...
Ok la.. mayb the accumulated stress is makin me too sensitive.. think positive.. think positive.. or i'll go mad...
Ok~ Lets just stop here for now.. before i need to take medication..
in my world ... at 9:24 PM
0 Comment | Back to top ↑